i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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