I want to have your abortion
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
