I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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