All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
