I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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