I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
