Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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