I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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