so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
