In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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