She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
