Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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