Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
