He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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