I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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