She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
