Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have tasted many bathrooms
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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