And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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