I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
