If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
