I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
