Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
