my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ass is underappreciated
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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