I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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