no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
