sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
