this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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