I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
