i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
