I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its not stalking. its research.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
