Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
