just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
