you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
