i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
