wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
