I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize