I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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