My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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