CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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