She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
