I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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