I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize