Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
