Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
