If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
