you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
