physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
third nipple confirmed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize