Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize