my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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