It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
