He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
