i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
