alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
