How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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