So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
