Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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