my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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