just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
