cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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