his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
