I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
FUCK WHALES
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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