Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize