I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
