dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
