walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
