hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize