quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
