so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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