Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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