I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
