CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
