My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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