I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
