Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
