AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
