Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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