I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
