Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
