I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize