I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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