So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
