I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize