so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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