I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
