When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
