she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
