ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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